Nobody prepares you for that surge of emotion you get when you have in your arms this little baby, whom is part of you, something you would do anything for, do anything to protect. I was not prepared for this. I sat in bed and cried, a lot. I was scared, scared of being a mom. I dont know what to do with this little baby. Post Partum Depression set it for a bit with me. I snapped out of it within a month. I didnt even know I had it until it was gone. Now dont get me wrong, I fell in love with both my babies instantly. But wow, what a change to your life.
Being a mom is a big deal. You are the one to feed them their first year of their precious life. You are their safety, their love, their food. You are there everything. Was I prepared to have someone depend on me 24/7? Absolutely not. I felt saddened, like I had given up my freedom. I think I never spoke of it because it is sort of taboo to feel that way when you are a mom. You should be so in love with this little baby and overjoyed to have them take all your time. But really? Is this really how everyone feels? I somehow doubt it.
Abigail is now 4 going on 5, so I have had time to adjust. I have accepted that my time is no longer mine however I dont pretend I dont miss when my time was all mine. We all joke about going to the bathroom and never alone because the kids are there staring at you or asking a million questions. But in truth, dont we all just want a little alone time? At least to pee? A shower alone without hearing screams on the other side of the door or knocking to get in?
It is not easy being a parent. You go from having all the time in the world to do what you want to living around someone elses schedule. Your house is and will never be the same, toys will encroach every corner you can imagine. The laundry, my god the laundry. If you didnt like it before, prepare yourself for loads and loads never ending. We all love our children that is no doubt, but they change our lives.
This past 5 years was not an easy run for me. It was a lot of ups and downs and the learning curve was huge. But here we are, almost 5 years later, down two bouts of post partum depression and two bouncy happy little girls. My life would not be the same without them, I would not be the same without them. As a mother, as any parent, I love them to the core. I would give my life for them.
But my dear little children, mommy wants a break, a break from the millionth time you said mommy, at least to pee!
Do you feel me moms? Dads? I cant be alone here lol