When I was in school bullying started for me when I was 9 years old. At 9 you are pretty innocent. I remember me and my best friend at the time both being bullied together by the same person. We went home that day and I am sure we shocked her poor mother when we innocently asked her mother "What is a cu#t"? As this is what we were called at school. If she or her mother is reading this today, I wonder if they too remember this.
I have often thought, what will I tell my daughter when she comes home crying, or when she shows the signs she is being bullied at school. What will I do? I am sure every parents first thought is to go down the school and wring the damn kids neck. But in reality, what do we do? I hope that in raising my girls I will instill in them the will to talk freely with me, to be open and comfortable to talk with me about anything. I hope....
I think most of us do the best damn job we can with our children. But this is one part of their life I feel so strongly that I can not fail them. I know what it feels like after all, to be bullied. I am sure most of the people reading this do too. At least in some way or another. It takes your spirit, your happiness, your will to be you and learn new things, your confidence dwindles away. I will be honest and say I am scared for my children.
This day and age you hear alot about suicides related to bullying. It is one of the saddest things to happen to someone so young. I remember very well at that age that you really feel that your whole life is crashing down. You will never understand that, at 35 years old all that bullshit wont matter anymore. It will be behind you and you will have moved on and created a life without those people. At the time you are encapsulated in your own little world. It IS everything at that age. That is your whole life. All you know.
I remember being 14 years old and thinking I knew it ALL. I was so mature and I new the world. Looking back, what a naive child. I knew what was in my circle, and to me that WAS everything. I will remember that when my girls become teenagers. I hope to instill good values in them and raise them to be decent loving people who will treat others with respect and expect the same in return.
I hope that if my daughters become the victim of bullying that I approach it in the best way possible. I look back to elementary and I think of one girl, one girl in particular who never let the bullies get the best of her. I wish I could talk to that girl today and ask her thoughts on it all, I am sure it would be a great insight.
I have asked quite a few people their thoughts on bullying. Have their children been bullied. 99% is yes. A girl I spoke with talked to me about her 7 year old son who was being bullied at school and another 7 year old told him "when I get to grade 4 I will bring a knife to school and kill you". I have to admit I was a bit taken aback at this. 7 years old!! She immediately went to the school to the teacher and the principle. This is what all the parents I asked said. They went to the school to have a meeting with them. Now in this incident parents and teachers and principle were involved however since their young age no police. I did think about it on the way home and thought, it would have probably been a good idea to get the police involved and set this kid straight.
What are my personal thoughts on my daughters getting bullied? I will not tolerate it (as I am sure none of you out there will as well), I will teach them to not tolerate it. I hope that if the time comes I will persue it properly. I think there is more awareness of bullying than there was in my day. I am glad for that. I think that bringing parents of both parties in is a great idea. Now as a teenager, absolutely mortifying. However each situation is different. When you are a little older things are different. If push comes to shove will I tell my daughter to walk away? Absolutely. If it continues, I have always thought, than you defend yourself. I will stand behind them the whole way.
Now I know some people believe that bullying is a part of life, it toughens you up. Maybe so, but I do not believe it is the right way to toughen someone up by breaking them down. Will I be the one to let my daughters change schools if they want to? To "run" away from their bullies. Your damn rights I will. I remember feeling that same way. I begged my parents to change me schools. I wont forget the way I felt about it, so if I am posed with the same question, I will do all in my power to make my child a happy one through an already difficult time in their life.
I watched a video this morning. It sat with me all day. It is the reason I wrote about this. This woman spoke about her son and how he was bullied. It was heartbreaking. As a mother you can not help but to feel the pain as she tells her story. I never want to be sitting there telling such a story. So this is why, at 2 & 4 I am already thinking about what my daughters will face in life and how as parents we can protect them.
Because.............. it happens, and it can happen, to anyone.
This is the video
What are your thoughts on bullying?
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Wow what an amazing post, so open and honest! I was a victim of severe bullying from 13-16 and have suffered a lot of mental health issues and major lack of confidence since. I am the opposite of you with my fears for him, I am terrified that with my lack of confidence I won't be able to support him as he needs. I think when it comes to it I will, I'd take any beating for my son, but my head tells me how I fail often and this is one of those times it does. I hope we can use our experiences to build our children up ready for anyone that tries to pick on them. All we can do though is give them the confidence not to be bothered by others nasty words. Definitely a difficult part of parenting. Thank you for writing such an honest post xxx
ReplyDeleteYes, I too was bullied through those ages as well. What a defining point in our lives too. Girls are vicious creatures. I suffered anxiety my whole life and during this time I never knew it at the time but I was catastrphising everything. I lived in torment. I think the ones who have been bullied can be the best advocates for it. Just like you, you know it, you can relate to your child if need be. I agree with you on the confidence and will work on that for them every single day. Thank you so much for reading and your heartfelt comment
DeleteI remembering telling my mum I just wanted to die when I was in primary school. I was bullied to the extreme for many years. It suddenly stopped when I moved countries but..the damage to my self esteem is still being fixed! Thanks for a lovely post Susan.
ReplyDeleteAngela x
Angela recently posted, "Procrastination- A Bloggers Worst Enemy". http://wp.me/p5XRN6-1b0
awww thats terrible. It is so awful that it happens to so many. Thank you for reading and commenting Angela :)
DeleteI love this post, it's so well written. I'm out and about so I'm going to watch the video when I'm back at home later. This is a subject that's close to my heart too and I wrote a post on it here. It's a very hard topic I think : http://internationalelfservice.co.uk/international-elf-service/handling-bullies-the-bully-jar/
ReplyDeleteThank you so much. I appreciate your comment :) It is a very sad video so get ready. I will absolutely look at your blog. Thanks for reading :)
DeleteI believe we all sometime in our life have been bullied. I've been more bullied by teachers than by school colleagues; I've been more bullied by work colleagues and employers than in the actual school, we never stop being bullied.
ReplyDeleteI used to just stay put, no reply, but that was affecting me psychologically, so I started replying and nothing felt so good than demanding for respect.
I told my daughter always to defend herself, just reply to them and not let them take her for a fool. I can tell you that even if someone try, she always have a funny way to reply that makes everybody laugh even the bully him/herself. I believe is the best way: Laugh!
Loved your post!
#TwinklyTuesday
x Marta
Thank you so much for reading my blog. It is so tough to find the right thing to do or say. I believe it is a learning curve for us all. Unfortunately. Thanks for having me at #TwinklyTuesday
DeleteWhat a fantastic post! I think a bit of teasing between friends can toughen you up a bit but when it is relentless that's not being toughened up - it's being victimised. It must be incredibly hard to deal with as a parent. A lot of the time a parent going to the school or to the bully's parents does make it worse. The victim is then labelled a "grass" and its just another thing for the bully to pick on. Honestly, I'm old school on this one. The best way to stop it is to smack the bully in the mouth (not you your child obviously lol). Yes they will get suspended for a week, but they won't miss half as much in that week as they will in the years this will drag out when they are never focussed because they are always watching their backs. If it was me I would spend the week they were suspended spoiling them rotten!
ReplyDeleteDebbie
www.myrandommusings.blogspot.com
I have to admit I agree about being old school with you on this. In saying that I do also think it is necessary for the school to be notified. In my research for what people do when their children is being bullied 100% notified the schools especially when they are younger. But yes, if someone gets in my childrens faces and wants to bully them I will let them know mommy stands behind them to lay them straight
DeleteBullying is such a serious matter and although highlighted more today than years ago, it does no seem to stop the bullying. We would love to add this post to our weekly round up of Thought Provoking posts next Tuesday, if you wouldn't mind. We came across it from Random Musings retweet.
ReplyDeleteThank you
I would be honoured if you did. Thank you so much, and thank you so much for your comment. I would love to see it, would you let me know when it is up?
DeleteThanks again :)
Thank you, we are honoured to add it, will be up on Tuesday 2 June will let you know as soon as it is up. :)
DeleteOur post with the link to your post is up and you can find it here http://theblogcentre.co.za/showcase-tuesday-2-june-2015/ Thank you for letting us add it to our Weekly Showcase post :)
DeleteI still remember the girl vividly who bullied me in second grade. It's such a horrible experience, one I wish I could shield Baby Girl from but sadly it seems to be a part of growing up :(
ReplyDelete#bestandworst
I think we can only do our best and it is how we raise our children to be confident that will matter in the end.
DeleteThanks so much for reading and leaving a comment :)
Great post to link to #bestandworst and so heartfelt. It is such a scary world out there and you are right to children school and their friends are their world. When you grow up you can think stuff it! How stupid. I think you have the best idea. Aim for an open and honest relationship with your girls. YOu may not be able to stop bullying but how they react and deal with it; you can have a huge influence. Thanks so much for linking up and hope to see you next week xx
ReplyDeleteYou are so right about it being a scary world. It is amazing how your perspective opens up about it as you get older. I can only hope I point my girls in the right direction and mold them into respectful human beings.
ReplyDeleteThank you so much for reading and commenting :)
I think that people such as yourself speaking up makes a huge difference. We all need to be vigilant with our kids and their interactions with friends, as hard as that can be. #BigTopBlogParty
ReplyDeleteI completely agree. I hope that when the time comes I do things right for my children. Thank you so much for taking the time to read and comment
DeleteIt's so sad that so many of us are effected by bullying, hopefully we can raise awareness and all work together so that we can help reduce it/stop it together and support all those victims of bullying.
ReplyDeleteIt is sad. It is also sad that we have to in turn worry for our children. Being prepared is the best thing we can do I guess.
DeleteThank you so much for taking the time to read and comment. It means alot
I hate bullying and I hate that it drives some people to suicide, it's not the way the world should be, is it! Makes me mad and sad at the same time, bullying is downright cruel and bullies are weak. I really enjoyed reading your post and thanks for linking to #bestandworst hope to see you again next week!
ReplyDeleteHelen x
The fact that it drives them to suicide just kills me inside. If they just made it past they could see that things get better. Its horrible.
DeleteThank you so much for taking the time to read my post and comment. :)
Bullying is something I experienced too and most people don't realise how it can really affect you even as an adult.
ReplyDeleteI hope it's something I don't need to go through with my boys but they can be assured we will be straight up the school should there be any issues.
This world can be so cruel sometimes and growing up are the toughest times most of us will experience.
Good luck and I hope your two don't experience this either.
That is so true. I think a lot of people carry it into adulthood. I am thankful I was not one of them. I mean, dont get me wrong, if I think about it it makes me angry, but I am not holding onto it.
DeleteI can only do my best to keep it straight with my children and to have an open honest relationship where they feel they can talk to me. I wil work hard on that as I dont believe it comes easy.
Thank you so much for taking the time to read my post and comment :)
This is a heart wrenching watch and such a tough topic. Victimising someone like in this film should never be allowed. It is painful to watch this mother tell her story.
ReplyDeleteAs a mum of older kids than you I can tell you that it is tough to know what to do when our kids are distressed. At what point do we step in versus letting them discover their own strategies. We all have to muddle our own way through these times. It is so important that our children can share with us and these topics are discussed. Even with my youngest we talk about what name calling means and how to deal with it. Thanks for this thought provoking post. I came from the Momster link
It is defiantly a tough thing to talk about and deal with. I only hope I do it right if the time comes. Thanks so much for reading my post?
DeleteIt is so scary to think of your child being the victim of bullying. Like you said there have been suicides linked to bullying. And now there's cyber bullying which is worse because it's not just at school, it haunts the poor child constantly! You raise a really important point here. Visiting from #momsterlink x
ReplyDeleteThanks so much for reading. It's one of the many thoughts swirling around in my head :)
DeleteBullying is such a horrible thing and brings out the Momma Bear in me, too! Sometimes there aren't other schools to transfer your children to, in the case your child is bullied. This is one of the main reason we homeschooled our kids. It turned out to be a good choice for us, even though everyone doesn't want this option.
ReplyDeleteThanks for sharing this post at Together on Tuesdays :)
That is too bad that you had to home school. But I appreciate your decision too. It's amazing how much this subject touches people. Thanks so much for reading and commenting
DeleteFab post. And so true. My eldest is 11 and although he's had a lot of 'teasing' at primary school due to his teeth growing a little wrong, he's dealt with it quite well. But I do worry as he's quite sensitive deep down. He's due to start secondary school after this summer and I'm a little more worried about what may come. Children can be horrible sometimes. I just hope Ive made him strong enough to deal with anything that may come about. #binkylinky
ReplyDeleteI think that's the best we can do as parents is build up their confidence so that they can overcome. Thanks so much for stopping by to read and comment :)
DeleteI was bullied by the same girl at school from the ages of 12-15. She made the *whole* of my high school life absolutely miserable. I'm so glad that we didn't have the internet back then — I wouldn't have been able to get away from it at all!! Woe betide anyone that bullies my babies when they're old enough to go to school. I would come down on them like a ton of bricks!! Thanks so much for linking up with #TwinklyTuesday x Please could you use our badge next time you link up — thanks!
ReplyDeleteCaro | www.thetwinklediaries.co.uk
I put your badge on my link party page. But absolutely I can next time. Thanks for taking the time to read my post and comment
DeleteI had to have a serious talk with my one of my daughters when she accused the other of bullying her. It turns out that she thought that bullying was the same thing as teasing, which it absolutely is not. Unfortunately, the school had a zero tolerance policy, so my other daughter (the accused) ended up being suspended, just because of the use of the word "bully". We ended up looking at the dictionary definition and my (accusing) daughter was absolutely horrified to realization what she'd done. As she realized herself, "*I* was the bully!" Unfortunately, all this took place under my ex-husband's watch, so I didn't learn about it until some months later.
ReplyDeleteWe absolutely need to teach our children to recognize bullying, not just to avoid them being bullied, but also for them to avoid being bullies themselves. Also, the sad fact is that some adults, even teachers, are still bullies. To me, what sets bullying apart is the power differential and its ongoing nature. A one-time mean comment usually doesn't qualify, although, depending on its nature, it could. It's not a simple topic at all.
Thanks for linking with #TwinklyTuesday.
Not it is not a simple topic. There are so many opinions and so many things that happen. It's quite the headache actually. It's too bad that it's such a big issue. Thanks so much for reading and commenting
DeleteI worry about this with my girls too. They're three at the moment, but I hope if they do ever get bullied that they'd be comfortable to tell me. I want to protect them 24/7, but I know that's not possible so the best we can do as parents is educate our children. Thanks for linking up to the #BinkyLinky
ReplyDeleteI agree. I feel like I would want to go down and set the kids straight, but in the end it's just not how things are done lol. Thanks so much for for your comment and stopping by to read
DeleteA wonderfully written post,bullying should never be tolerated thanks for linking to the Binkylinky
ReplyDeleteThank you so much Nigel
Deleteinteresting read I'm sure at some point all children will go home from school upset either due to bullying or a fall out with friends my daughters 4 and she's come home from nursery before upset because so an so has pulled a grumpy face at her. I will always teach my girls to be kind and friends with everyone I used to be in a group at school we were all so close but i can see now to an outsider it may of been a little intimidating because we all just stuck together. I think another good point is just making sure they know your always there for them to support listen and offer advice. thanks for linking up to #kidscorner
ReplyDeleteI think that's is the best thing we can do is just be open and wiling to be there for our children to come talk to us. It's definitely a difficult subject
DeleteBullying scared me so much and I get nervous for my kids to start school and be subjected to it. EEEK. I was bullied and I will never forget the feeling it's lonely and awful and you never want to tell anyone or admit to it. Awful. Great post. Thanks for linking up to Share With Me I hope you are enjoying my blog hop and thanks for all the linky support! #sharewithme
ReplyDeleteThanks so much for stopping by and commenting. I appreciate it. It's amazing how many people bullying affects. Terrible!!
DeleteThanks for reading :)
Thank you for writing about this subject. Bullying is still present in the school. Thank you for linking up at the #HomeMattersParty. Looking forward to seeing what you link up next week.
ReplyDeleteThank you so much for reading and taking the time to comment.
DeleteI was bullied when I was 14/15 and it was awful. My biggest fear for my girls is that they will face the same trauma. I want to teach them to be confident and happy in themselves and will do everything I can to help them survive school. Thanks for sharing in #KidsCorner x
ReplyDeleteYes, I think building their confidence is key. Thank you so much for reading and commeting :) It means alot
DeleteRead this before and commented on fb but am.so pleased you linked it up with us on the #bigfatlinky it needed to be read and get the space from everyone. Such a great post. Hope to see you there this week
ReplyDeleteThank you so much Martyn. I truly appreciate it :)
DeleteMy heart goes out to the mom in the video! I don't understand why parents don't take their children out of school when they are being bullied so horribly like that and homeschool them. I would never let my child go through something like that. That breaks my heart. I have to be honest, my mom is a retired elementary school teacher and schools don't "really" do much when a child gets bullied. Not like what we'd expect them to do and once it gets really bad a lot of damage has already been done. Especially if you have an older teacher or principal who have some "old school" ways of dealing with things. They might not think it's that big of a deal or that the parent is blowing things out of proportion or something frustrating like that. It's a really tough situation to deal with. Especially now with so much cyber bullying.
ReplyDeleteThe effect bullying can have, scares me so much. Having been bullied myself, my biggest fear in life is to have children who gets bullied. I just hope I can use my experience to teach them how to behave towards other children and to build their own confidence.
ReplyDelete