Tuesday 30 June 2015

Five years of pure love

She turned five today. FIVE! 

I still remember finding out I was pregnant. The surprise of it all. I dont think I was ready to become a mom. But here it was on the little pregnancy stick telling me, yup, ready or not, you are becoming a mom. 

She came into my life 2 hours before my birthday. 10:04pm is when that little angel arrived here for me. When she was born they took her to clean her up and something was wrong. A lot of nurses were crowded around her. Something was happening to me and I was in pain I had people around me. But I knew something was happening with my baby. They said she wasn't getting any color. She was white. They were just about to take her away and do tests and they said give her to her mom. They put her on my chest and it was almost instant. She got color to her. That is where they left her. My little baby girl. On my chest with me. 

This is the first time I held her. 

I can not imagine a better child than I got with Abigail. She didnt cry like other babies. She hardly cried as a baby. She slept great, she even overslept. I got to sleep in my whole maternity leave. Who can say that? As she grew she became her own little person and even in the terrible two's she never had tantrums. She.... is my little angel. She is such a good girl, and continues to be to this day. She has a kind heart and she has lots of love. 

I couldn't be happier that she is my child. I couldn't be happier that I got to be her mom. The world brought me this little girl and she has changed my whole life. She has made me a better person. She has given me love and shown me love I never knew existed before her.

 I am forever grateful to have you in my life. You are my life, my baby.

Ti Voglio tanto bene amore

Saturday 27 June 2015

Rides, Love em or hate em?

I am not a fan of hot weather. To say that is an understatement. I hate Summer. Always have. With Summer comes the bugs, the bees and ughhh the heat. Today was one of those ughh days. It was 30 degrees celsius. I did not want to go out in the heat. Not even a little bit. But I also didnt want my children to be stuck in the house all day on such a ..... Nice day (for others). I was supposed to go to the beach to visit with my Sister who is camping this weekend. We however got a call from her saying the beach is beyond disgusting, full of bird poop so bad she is gagging. Um... ya, beach out. So off to the park we went.

Walking across the field I think to myself, geez, even the grass is crunchy, damn this heat. Looking ahead my 4 year old says "Mommy, there is nobody at the park". "Nope there sure isnt" I say, thinking to myself (Who in their right mind would be standing in this Sahara desert bullshit, that's why there is nobody at the park) Everything in that park was hot. Their poor little bums on the swings. But as kids they endure it. They dont mind, they want to play. Me... I wanted to dive for the shade, hide from this blaring sun. But I pushed them both on the swings and we played until they were too hot to go on. Yay for me.

Our plans for the next day included a trip to a small carnival that we saw in a shopping mall parking lot some days ago. I told our 4 yr old if it is still there this weekend we will go. Out tonight we passed said parking lot and it in fact is still there. I thought to myself. The night is getting cooler, the clouds are blocking the sun, it is still hot as hell, but the sun isnt beating into my soul like it was earlier today at the park. Why take them tomorrow when it will be even hotter (god help me) and the sun will be out in full force. Lets go now!

Not that me or my husband we too fond of this idea the girls were quite thrilled. Our 2 yr old was happy I believe only because her sister was happy and she is all into doing whatever her big sister does at this moment. So she is happy, so is the little one. We paid for our tickets and we are ready for this little evening fun.

They quite enjoyed their first ride. Unfortunately our youngest was not happy at the end and more than ready to come off. This little helicopter ride only our oldest was to go on. But the little one wanted to as well. The lady said sure if she went on with someone. I offered my husband up instantly (hehe). Well, that backfired because than they both wanted to go on with us. It never occurred to me that I would have to go on a ride. Dammit all to hell. lol. I HATE rides. I don't care if it is a little baby ride or a big ride. I haven't been on these rides since I was a teenager and I am well past that. So I climbed into this little purple helicopter pod for my girls. We rode around and around and around, spinning rides are the ones I hate the most. Get me off them immediately. I was so more than ready to come out when the ride stopped.

We got a snow cone and played the dart game and won the girls their little stuffed animal they will never touch again $10 well spent right there. But I always remember how I felt as a kid. It was fun, it didnt matter that the stupid stuffed animal was not fun after you won it, it was that you won it!

Of course the snow cone comes back to us parents as the kids only want to hold it for so long. My Husband says to me "What is this thing?". I say to him "What, you have never had a snow cone?". I mean, seriously now. I know you grew up in Italy and have only been here 6 years but what in the mother lovin hell... Hasn't everyone had a snowcone? I quite enjoyed the snowcone. Yum!

So as we are driving home it occurs to me. Shit!!! This is just the beginning. This isn't even the BIG exhibition. What happens when she wants to go on the big rides, I know sure as shit her father isn't gonna go as he hates them as much as me. What to do... These kids are only going to get bigger and want to go on rides and god forbid with us... So I devised a plan. These kids will want to go on every ride someday. I hate all... So what shall I do. It hits me! When these kids get bigger and they want to go on rides, I will buy 3 tickets. Two for the kids and 1 for my Sister. She loves rides more than anyone I know. And there we have it. Problem solved :)

Have you read my last post A missed opportunity? Click here

Friday 26 June 2015

A missed opportunity

A missed opportunity. We have all had these, have we not? Mine happened when I was 22 years old. It is not something that weighs me down or leaves a deep pit in my heart, however I do think of it from time to time. What would my life be like if I had chosen the other path? Would I be happy? Would I have enjoyed it?

Regret. What is regret? In my case we can define it as a feeling of contrition over a missed opportunity. 

My Mothers first cousin is a world renowned Master Carver of Native Art. His name is Dempsey Bob. He has his work all over the world. Totem poles in Japan and another at Canada House in London England, Museums in Germany, Japan, BC. These are just a few at best. He is a Northwest carver who was born in the same village as my mother, Telegraph Creek. I wrote about it here. He is of Tahltan and Tlingit decent, as am I. However I am half as my father is English. 

This is Dempsey Bob.

What is this missed opportunity you ask? Dempsy wanted to teach someone in the family. Pass on this wonderful art. Now when you think about it, there are probably many people who would want to be taught by somebody so profound. And here was my shot. 

I was 22. I went to Terrace, BC with my Mother. I met with Dempsey at his shop in Terrace where they were working on a totem pole. He showed me around, he talked about the totem pole he was carving, showed me the tools. It was quite an experience.

Photo courtesy of Maori Art Market

I thought about it. A LOT. I was prepared to move to Terrace, BC and leave my immediate family, to move to be with my extended family and learn from one of the great ones. My family was excited, I was excited. 

I guess what happened next is what usually happens isn't it? I met a boy... oooo ahhhh. I didn't go. I stayed here in Edmonton. It ended up being the worst relationship I had ever been in, you can read that here

I guess this is how life goes sometimes. You have something in the palm of your hands and being young you discard it. I do wonder, what would it have brought me in life. I have always wanted to know more about my heritage, what better way that to immerse myself in it. But that time has gone and passed. I took a different path. Although, my choice to stay with said boy was probably a mistake, it all brought me to where I am now.  I am happy. I got everything I wanted. A man who loves me to the end of the earth and two beautiful children. 

So when I think of it. These missed opportunities, well..... They could have been a grand wonderful life. They could have changed my life in ways I can not imagine. But in another time I guess. I think sometimes your life has a way of paving its own path. Why did I chose to stay? Maybe life chooses what you should be, maybe I was ultimately meant to be a wife and a mom of these two little girls. I guess we will never know. And thus, why it was and is a missed opportunity. 

I do hope that there is someone to pass on this tradition to, because it is something you don't want people in the future talking about as a lost art. 

I hope it lives on.

Have you read my last post 20 Rules for Daddy's with Daughters? Click here

Sunday 21 June 2015

Um.... Happy Fathers Day???

I think that when people imagine what their Fathers Day is going to be like they think of waking up blissful and having a wonderful breakfast, great coffee and having the perfect day. I am sure when my husband awoke today he thought that too. Well.... We tried. We really did

We woke up with me in a slight panic, we slept in!! I was supposed to get up at a certain time to make sure the pulled pork was in the slow cooker so it can cook all day. Thank goodness for the variance in times on that amazing invention. Pulled pork crisis, averted.

We decided, yup, lets head out for a Fathers Day breakfast. But keeping in mind, half the city will be out too. My Husband is NOT fond of line ups. Me, I will wait, if the food is worth waiting for. Him, no way, we are on to the next spot. So I had to think strategically on where we were to go. There is a little truck stop restaurant that has decent food and I can not imagine the city lining up out the door. So off we went.

We got a table right away. We had the girls dressed up in their best dresses which they both asked to wear in lieu of the occasion. Our youngest daughter is 2. Enough said right? I mean why even bother bringing these little monsters out in public. But alas we did, all dressed up for Daddy. First thing she does.... Dumps her chocolate milk on her dress. Well there goes that... Whatever, brush it off, she is two.

Breakfast comes and all proceeds as normal. We are almost done. We have made it. Or so we thought.

Our other daughter is 4. She is a very very good girl. She is quietly playing with the coffee creamers on the table. We hear a loud POP. I look over... She has squished one in her mouth and she is covered in it. Little splatters of milk all over her pretty little face and her beautiful dress. Fantastic. Thanks Abigail.

Now I have talked about this before in my previous blog "10 things I didnt know about birth and babies" you can read that here. After two children, to my dismay, my bladder is not what it used to be. A powerful laugh, a violent cough...pee. Do you hear me ladies? Are you with me? So, what happens next for us? I choke on my food of course. Cough cough cough cough cough PEE.

Annnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnd were done. 

Um..... Happy Fathers Day Honey 

Nobody said we were a perfect family. But it is what makes us.... us :)

My Father through my eyes

My Father has always been such a big part of my life. I can not imagine growing up without him. I think he has molded who I am today. His values, his mannerisms his sense of humor his work ethic, I get them all from my father. I sometimes believe I am perfectly half my Mother and half my Father. I am happy I got the father I did. I have seen some dads in my day, some so serious, some workaholics. Mine... Mine was always there, always played with us, always made time, and still does.

I have told my Father many times how I feel about him. He is the first man I ever loved, he is someone I hold with such high regard. He has been the pedestal that I hold all men to. To me, my Father knows EVERYTHING. There is nothing he cannot do. 

This is my Father through my eyes.

My first memories of my Father are him reading stories to me. So many stories. I loved it. Not only from books but he would make up the most fantastic stories. He once brought home huge refrigerator boxes and made us houses out of them that we colored and also made us a cardboard slide down the stairs.
We would have taste testing games where he would get food from the fridge and blindfolded we would try them all. He would strap pillows to our front and back and we could bounce around the room on each other.
He would play with us in the snow, making mazes and snowmen. We went on vacation every year. He would always take us camping. He would take us fishing and we would catch little turtles

These are only a few early memories of my father. I always believed I got the pick of the crop when it came to Dads. My dad was FUN!!!! He always made everything fun. If there was ever a man who was made to have children, it was my Father. 

Now I was a trying teenager. I tested the boundaries as best I could. But after those years passed and as I have grown up, the closer I have become to both my parents. My Father has always been there for me. From the times I scraped my knee and needed a hug, to the times I had a flat tire and needed him to change it. The MANY times I couldn't start my car and he would come rescue me. Day or night, he was there. I always know, I can count on my Dad. 

If I needed my Father there was never anything he wouldn't do for me. I feel I can fully count on him for anything. And I love him more than he knows for that. 

What is my Father to me? He was my superhero as a little girl, he became the man who taught me life lessons and restrictions, he is the one taught me to be the person I am today. He is now Grandpa to my children. I watch him with tearful wonder at how much love he has for them. I see how he is with them, The way they look at him. He is to them what he was to me as a little girl. That all wonderful fun loving person. He holds the bar high for what a Father should be. I am forever grateful for that. I love him to the ends of the universe. He is my almighty, he is my Daddy. 

Saturday 20 June 2015

20 Rules for Daddy's with Daughters

My Father had two daughters. My husband and I now have two daughters as well. As Fathers Day is here I sit and reflect on my life with my Father and think about my Husband and his life beginning with his  two daughters. 

Here are my 
20 rules for Daddy's with Daughters

1. When they want to cuddle, open your arms wide. The day will come too soon that she will not want to cuddle with Daddy anymore. 

2. When she asks you to read her a book, read her the book. She enjoy's the voices Daddy's do

3. Paint her nails at least once. Toenails too. And let her paint yours

4.  Take the time to listen to her. It may be childish dribble but she will grow to know, Daddy always listened

5. Love her mother. She will grow up learning the way to be treated by the way you treat her mother. 

6. When she asks you to play, play. They will soon grow and no longer want you to play with them. 

7. Show her how to fix something. She will see you as the man who knows everything. 

8. Make bathtime fun. Bubbles and laughter she will remember for a lifetime

9. Dance with her. Dance often and dance crazy

10. Tell her she is beautiful every single day. 

11. Take her on date nights. Take the time to spend precious moments together. She will remember the times spent with Daddy forever

12. When she has bad dreams and comes to sleep in your bed. Cherish it, it wont last :(

13. Daughters may melt your heart, but remember to say no once and awhile. 

14. Encourage her and show her praise. It will enlighten her soul

15. Tell her you love her everyday!

16. Be delicate and understanding when she hits puberty. Awkward and jokes are not the key here. 

17. Do not scare away a first boyfriend. If she feels comfortable with you, she will confide in you. If you make her feel nervous, she will never. 

18. Her first broken heart... You need number 14 for this. 

19. Be real with her. Talk to her, everyday 

20. Let her know, wherever she goes, whatever happens, the door to home is always open.

Friday 19 June 2015

Sisterhood of the World Bloggers Award

Today was a good day in the blogging world. I was nominated TWICE for Sisterhood of the World Bloggers Award. Am I happy about it? Hells ya! It wasn't too long ago I was whining and crying about my followers and views on my blog (You can read that here) Now two nominations! I am one happy blogger. 

Both nominations came with different awards :)

This may be the closest I get to a pair of True Religions ;)

Thank you both to 
If you are not following them on Twitter here is your chance :)

Before I accept this wonderful award I have to answer ten questions (from each nominee). 

1. How would you keep fit and active during the summer when its really hot? Does opening and closing the freezer door count? If not, maybe aquasizing. You are in the water in a pool so sweat isnt a problem. I hate feeling hot. HATE IT

2. If you could live anywhere in the world, where would you go and why? Venice!!! It is the most beautiful place I have ever been and I love every second I spend there. 

3. When was the last time you cried? Last week I believe

4. Have you ever been on a crazy diet? No, I dont have that much dedication and will power to do crazy diets. McDonalds here I come

5. Where do you see yourself in 10 years time? Hopefully happy and successful in my job. 

6. How do you like to relax? Laying in my bed with nobody around. Just pure silence

7. If you could only eat one food for the rest of your life, what would it be? Rice!

8. Do you spend a lot of time on Social Media? What's your favorite site? I spend as much as I can providing the time. My favorite is twitter

9. Tell us something funny that happened when you were a teenager. I got off the bus and was staring at a cute guy on the bus, as the bus pulled away, and still in plain view of the cutie, I turned around and face planted straight into a sign. 

10. How would you feel if you were forced to live with a penguin? I would feel bad for the penguin. Poor thing, I am sure he wouldnt enjoy living with me. And I pet one at West Edmonton Mall once, they stink lol. 

Here goes my second batch of questions

1. If you were given the chance to walk on the moon would you do it? I wouldn't say a definitive yes, to be honest it scares me a little. But it would be damn cool

2. Camping by a beautiful waterfall with gorgeous weather or a 5 star luxury accommodation with terrible weather? Before kids I probably would say camping, but Mama needs a nice bed and some pampering lol. 

3. What is your favorite social networking site and why? Twitter! It is more fast paced than Facebook. Love it!

4. Beer or Wine? Neither, I don't like the taste of alcohol. Yes... I said it. Yes, none of it. 

5. Which item can you never leave the house without? Sadly, my phone

6. If you had to take part in a reality Tv show, which would it be and why? Cutthroat Kitchen. It seems fun and I am so not into the drama of most reality shows. 

7. If every job had the same salary, which job would you choose?  I would work in a doggy daycare.

8. Would you rather: write a terrible blog post and have it go viral or write an amazing blog post and only have 10 people read it? A terrible one for sure lol. How exciting would it be to go viral lol

9. If you could be known for one thing, what would it be? Raising decent little human beings into this crazy world of ours. 

10. If you could change your first name would you? If yes, what would you choose to be called? I wouldnt. I used to hate my name, but it is me. I am Susan. It would be weird calling me anything else. 

Here are my nominees
 I think they are fantastic bloggers. 
Do I think its ok to give a "Sisterhood" award to men? 
DAMN RIGHTS!! They have fantastic blogs!
Click on their names to follow them on Twitter and their blogs to read their posts. You will not be disappointed.

Martyn's Thoughts -I have thoroughly enjoyed reading your posts. Read his blog here 

Dear Dads - Your posts keep me captivated and I havent read one I didnt love. Read his blog here

Domesticated Momster - Have I not told you I love your blog? I do! I see you were nominated but hell, some people were meant to be nominated twice ;) Read her blog here

The Triplet Dad - From the first post I read I loved your blog. Read his blog here

Days in Bed - Loved your blog from the get go darling. You just keep me coming back. I know  you too were nominated already, but same as Trista, sometimes twice was meant to be ;) Read her blog here

Here are the 10 questions I am asking my nominees
  1. Did you enjoy school?
  2. What is the saying you despise the most?
  3. What is your most treasured possession?
  4. How do you spend a typical Saturday night?
  5. Name 3 things you are really good at and 3 things you are really bad at
  6. Do you care what others think of you?
  7. What is your favorite movie and why?
  8. What is the worst movie you have ever seen?
  9. What was the last thing you ate?
  10. Do you believe in aliens? Why or why not?

Thursday 18 June 2015

What my dog means to me

I always joke he was my impulse buy. But in fact he really was. I had always wanted a dog. On every Christmas list for Santa growing up there was a dog on that list. But that dog never came. My Mother was not fond of animals so we did not grow up with any. It was just one day, passing by the doggies in the window and I saw him. He was so cute, so little, so fluffy and curly. I HAD to hold him. My bf at the time and I decided we would bring him home. He was one hell of an impulse buy, he cost us over a thousand dollars. 

Puppies are HARD work!!! It was like preparing myself for a baby. The first night he cried the whole night. It was pure hell. I did my best to learn about raising a puppy. 

I decided to kennel train him. It was probably the best decision I had made. Leaving him while I went to work was not. He would cry like he was sobbing. It was truly heartbreaking. The great thing is I worked 5 minutes from work at the time and I could come home for lunch and I would take him out for a pee and I would walk him around the school field for an hour before I had to leave him again.

No book or person can prepare you for how awful it is to train a puppy to pee outside. It felt like torture. During this time is when I had my life changing catastrophic breakup. I got the puppy. I was dealing with such heartache and I would cry ALL the time. People would tell me "At least you have a dog at home, they sense when you are sad and comfort you"... People who say such things never cried around a puppy! I would lay on the floor sobbing from pure heartbreak and this fluffy little ball would run full bore into my face with a toy. Comforting... no! But he was my sweetie pie. He was all I had. He kept me going. I loved him, I still love him. I named him Ryley.

It makes me laugh thinking of children telling their parents '"Can I PLEASE have a puppy, I will take care of him". hahahahaha BULLSHIT!!! I was 28 years old the first time I had a puppy and I was ready to throw in the towel. Unless you are ready to devote your life to this puppy until they are no longer a pee in the house, crying, pooping, chew everything little devil you're not ready kids. Its just fact. The thought of raising another puppy makes me want to cry lol. But life with a dog is wonderful. I love him to the core. I love that I am his world as well. 

When he was just out of puppy stage I would take him over to my mothers house (She started liking dogs after Ryley) She called him her Grandpuppy. This was before kids of course. He would always want to stay at my moms house and not come home until I became pregnant. After that, and to this day, he will not leave my side. He wants to go wherever I go. If I go to the kitchen, he is there, if I go to bed so does he, if I shower, he is laying on the bathmat. I am not sure but I am pretty positive it had something to do with me being pregnant. I love that I am his one. He holds my heart. 

When I bought my impulse purchase that day I also bought him a few toys. One of them a blue Platypus, now I know it isnt a Duck, but I have called it a duck from day one. This toy was his favorite and it still is. If you are laying on a bed and he wants to cuddle, he will go look for that duck/platypus. This is him with it as a baby and him now. 

What does having a dog mean to me?

He saved me when I was broken. 
He was there for me when no one else was. 

 "Until one has loved a dog, a part of ones soul has remained awakened"

Have you seen my last post? Click here

Wednesday 17 June 2015

Driving intexticated

Texting and driving. I am not sure I know anyone who has not done it. Before it became illegal to do so I never even thought of it as a problem. The thing is... It is a huge problem! 

I think it is safe to say we can all spot the person who is texting and driving. The person who is constantly braking, the one drifting lanes, the person who is going too slow. You pass them and yep... cell phone. 

It wasn't until this law took effect that I really paid attention to why it was such a problem and how big of a problem it is. Statistics vary however one said that 23% of vehicle collisions involve a cell phone. That is almost a quarter of accidents due to talking or texting. 

I know the pull a cell phone has. I understand the need to feel you HAVE to return that message, or you HAVE to look and see what he/she said. But in reality, when you look at it further... Can it wait? 

I never had a text that was worth my life, my children's life or someone else's life. Because there isnt a text that is worth it. Problem is... I dont think that people will ever get it. Majority yes, but I dont believe that we as a society will ever fully get through to people. 

I have argued with people close to me. Put the damn phone down. Not only are we at risk, we put others at risk. I don't want to live my life knowing I killed someone, or disabled them because I needed to text or talk on my phone. I have picked it up, and immediately thought "Would this be worth jail time"? What if I caused a deadly collision. I kill someone, possibly myself, someone else. I leave their family missing a loved one and I leave my daughters because of something so minor. 

It is no secret now that I am the poster child for anxiety. I worry a lot while I drive. I take notice to how others drive and what they are doing around me. It is amazing, that even though we have the Distracted Driving Law, people will always still text or talk on their phone. Always!

It is a scary thought. I have my babies with me in my vehicle. They are 2 & 4. Would they be able to survive a crash because of someones need to text? My phone goes in my purse and stays there while I drive. If I miss a text or a call, well... so be it. My life and my children's and anyone else's life is more important that my damn phone. I wish everyone felt the same way. 

77% of people feel they are very confident that they can safely text and drive. 


55% of people feel it is easy to text and drive. 

It is said that people who text and drive spend 10% of their driving time outside of their lane. 

It only takes a second. 

I don't believe this can be prevented. I feel it is like drunk driving. There will always be those people who feel they are ok, they can do it better than the rest. It will be ok. Unfortunately, I think the only way these people will learn is by experience of loss. Driving while drunk and killing another, someone driving drunk and killing your loved one. Same as texting.. Will they get it unless it happens to them? Sadly, in my opinion, I think not.

Of all the preventative videos I have seen this one stuck with me the most. 

I am not an advocate on  texting and driving. I am just another mom out there driving her children around amoungst these people. I wish we could get through to them all.. I wish they could potentially see what they could destroy by a simple message. I wish....

This video I think speaks volumes

The next time you're driving and you hear your phone, think this.... Is it worth a life?

Have you read my last post? Click here

Monday 15 June 2015

Superior Skin Giveaway

I couldn't be happier to have partnered with SuperiorSkin to bring you this amazing giveaway! SuperiorSkin is an authorized retailer of Vivier Pharma Brands. Their success is simply based on their experience in providing visible anti-aging results for all skin types and they want to share that with you!

I personally think it is never too early to start taking care of your skin. What better way to achieve great looking skin than to start your regime as soon as possible. 

What I love the most is their commitment to providing you with superior skin care solutions and offering you the highest level of satisfaction guaranteed! At SuperiorSkin they only provide premium skin care products trusted and recommended by physicians that meet pharmaceutical manufacturing and testing standards. 

What is this wonderful prize you ask? 

The VivierSkin Wrinkle Relief System is a complete all in one anti-aging system trusted and recommended by dermatologist and plastic surgeons around the globe. This ultimate skin care system contains six full sized premium products and combines key ingredients with patented formulations proven to help reverse signs of aging, reduce the appearance of fine lines and wrinkles. Prepare, Revitalize and Protect your skin by following this simple skin care regime and start seeing visibly younger looking skin with a more radiant complexion. The Wrinkle Relief System offers exceptional value saving you money while providing you with superior anti-aging results.

Contents: Contains full sizes of the following products:

  • Foaming cleanser
  • Refreshing Toner
  • Firming Eye Contour Cream
  • C+E Serum
  • Daily Moisturizing Cream
  • Sunscreen Lotion SPF 30

With the help of @FemaleBloggerRT, the ORIGINAL retweet community for bloggers, SuperiorSkin is giving away their Wrinkle Relief System (worth $271. CAD) to THREE lucky winners! Use the widget below to enter the giveaway. 

Contest open to US and Canadian residents and ends July 24, 2015

Please visit the fabulous hosting bloggers and show them some love!

Brittany  //  Sharon  //  Sarah  //  Morgan  //  Susan

Sunday 14 June 2015

Fear, rational or irrational?

Fear.... a distressing emotion aroused by impending danger, whether imagined or real. Everyone has something they fear. 

Mine....... Mine is Bears

Ever since I was a little girl we would go on vacation every year. We would camp around several different places and always one of them was in bear country. I have had anxiety my whole life, it was apparent to me now that I had it as a child as well. Though I do not think this is an irrational fear, my fear of caterpillars, yes, now that is irrational. But Bears... Bears can kill you, caterpillars not. 

I remember reading the little pamphlet they gave you when you would go into the campground in bear country. I would read that sucker front to back. I was going to be prepared for this. God I hated camping in bear country. Nothing freaked me out more than seeing one of these signs up around the campground

Approach the bear.... Who is kidding who here. But I am sure there are those idiotic few who do. Morons!

Upon being an adult and finally deciding what is better for my sanity, I do not camp in bear country anymore. Is it beautiful? Absolutely. The best campgrounds are in bear country, but I am not and have not been made to endure it. I despise it. I am terrified the whole time. And believe you me, you are not having fun being around me panicking all the time. It is just not worth it for me to venture into bear country anymore. 

I do feel sorry for those who have had to endure camping with me. The fear in me is real people. We once camped in a beautiful campground. Bear country... I read that pamphlet front to back again. I was going to follow it to a T. All food and bathroom items in the car, nothing in the tent except your blankets and what not. Do not sleep in the clothes you ate or cooked in. Do not have anything in the tent that will attract the bear. This meant that every piece of clothing went in the car. In doing this, I made my boyfriend at the time go to bed in his boxers. In the morning I had realized he locked the keys in the car. So I spent the better part of the morning trying to unlock the car while he was stuck in the tent half naked. I in my pajama's now had help from fellow campers trying to get into the car while he was still, stuck in the tent. A prime example of my fear. 


Another boyfriend and I would often camp in bear country. I would make sure that the spot we picked was in the middle of the campground surrounded by people (So the bear would get them first). I would be terrified the whole time, watching for bears walking around. Terrified to walk to the bathroom alone, what if I saw one. Terrified to dump our dish water anywhere remotely close to our campspot. Dont want the bear to smell it. I was one happy girl if the campers next to us were party people and played loud music and partied late into the night. I believed it kept the bears away. Problem is, I was never relaxed. Bears are always on my mind. 

Now my Grandfather, he had instilled the fear in me quite early. He would always tell us kids that sleeping in tents we were like wontons for the bears to just drag away into the bush. Really Grandpa? Thanks. Now that thought never left my head, obviously. 

The only person in the world I feel safe camping with is my Grandfather. There is just something about him that makes you feel safe. Be it the fact that he is one tough man and has seen alot in his day. He has seen more bears than I would care to imagine. He knows the bush more than anyone I know. Being a full blooded native man he grew up in the bush, hunting for food for his 12 children. Bears were just a part of it. I have heard the story many times through my life and never tire of hearing it. The time my Grandfather killed a bear. 

My Granfather and his brother were walking in Salmon creek through the bush, he said his brother Vincent was about 13 at the time. He said they were hunting and now coming back they were all out of bullets. He said up on the side hill there was a big Brown Bear. He yelled at the bear and it came after him. He told his brother to climb a tree. He said and he laughs that his brother climbed a tree, a tree with no branches and he said he climbed it as fast as a squirrel. He had his sled dogs with him and he told his lead dog to go after the bear. The only thing he had to protect them with was his axe. He says he always kept it razor sharp. As his dog went after the bear it would bite it and the bear would turn towards the dog. He said the dog kept at it and when the dog bit and the bear turned my Grandfather got behind him and when the bear turned around he drove the axe straight through his head. He said he chopped his head off after that and told Vincent to come down. He said they were going to skin and eat the bear. I wish I could have a recording of him telling his story because he captivates you while he tells it. He said that the bear was still blinking and the tongue was still moving when he cut the head off. He says, I told my brother, see, the bear is still tasting us. As he was skinning the bear he said it felt like someone dumped ice cold water on him. The realization of it all.  


Now my Grandfather is not scared of bears. He always tells me if you dont bother bears they will leave you alone. He has killed a few more in his time but always the ones after this with a gun, and because they were coming after him. He told me today, never holler at a bear, they will come after you. He said everytime a bear came at him he hollered at it. I used to feel safe in a car, he laughed at me alot. He said they can open it up like a tin can. Thanks again Grandpa. But tis true. They are huge and damn strong. When you are in their territory they are boss. So I love to camp, but I cannot take my Granfather with me everytime ;)

I wish I could though, he is badass!!

Photo courtesy of Janice Julseth

Thursday 11 June 2015

Paint the city blue

June 8th 2015... Edmonton, Alberta, Canada. Edmonton Police go about their day as always. Most of us oblivious to what goes on in their world. I for one have no clue. Not until this day did I even think about a hate crimes unit. It is a world you turn over to the strong and brave ones who dedicate their lives to help others.

I think what sits with me most is I too have small children. To leave them behind is my worst nightmare. I am sure it is any parents worst nightmare. I have often worried about leaving my children behind and the pain I feel about them not knowing who I was, how much I loved them, remembering me for me, not through photo's.

As I drove home tonight driving past the ribbons of blue I thought about it more... This woman's life has changed forever. Her children's lives have changed forever. They lost their father, she lost her husband, someone out there lost their son and we as a city lost a brave man.

There are so many tragedies around the world it is hard to comprehend. I personally have stopped reading the news, I no longer watch the news on tv. Informative, yes, depressing... absolutely!! The problem with me is that it sticks with me. As a person who suffers from anxiety I worry all the time. So hearing and reading about disaster and tragedy doesn't bode well for me. 

What rolls around in my head tonight is...... The world moves on. I will go to work tomorrow, most of you reading this will go about your daily lives... But this family.... Their world has come to a complete stop. My heart can only imagine the pain, can only imagine the loss, the hurt. I know myself, I would be angry, angry that everyone around me moves about continuing while I suffer in insurmountable pain. Its not fair. None of it. I would be angry thinking that people will move on and people will forget and I will be left....standing still.

I did not know Const. Daniel Woodall, I do not know his wife. But I want to say.... 

I will not forget!

As a Mother and a Wife myself, I am sharing this Go Fund me account set up for his family

You can donate Here

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