It has been over two years since I have sat down to write in my blog. I feel a world of change has happened. Since my last post Abigail has become a big sister.
This is Ellie Silvia Pajaro
The main reason for the lack of posting is after I had Ellie I fell into Postpartum Depression. Those only close to me really knew. It took all happiness from me. Everything I enjoyed to do before was gone. It is a battle I never though I would have to face. I am thankful for my loving husband who has faithfully been by my side helping me through this. It has been a long road to recovery however long story short is that through these two years I took time off work and spent my time working on me. Through therapy and courses I have found myself again and I am finally happy and feel I know myself more than I ever have. I never knew what was wrong in the beginning. It started with me walking into the health clinic to tell the ladies in tears something was wrong. I strongly encourage anyone who suffers with this to seek out the help and if possible take the time to work on you. It has changed my life.
I will start off my first post after this long absence with another
100 things about me. I hope you enjoy
1. I sleep with a Finding Nemo blanket a dear friend bought me years ago for Christmas. I love it!
2. I shake my legs until I fall asleep.
3. I still chew my nails frown emoticon
4. I love Mini Eggs
5. I have been to Venice Italy twice
6. I had post partum depression with both my girls
7. My second baby the ppd was worse
8. I decided not to have any more kids because of this
9. I still eat with plastic forks and spoons an have done So for years
10. My living room is always a mess.
11. When I was younger I wanted to work in forensics as a facial reconstruction person
12. I still remember every ex boyfriends birthday and wonder if they ever remember mine
13. I believe my cousin Kim is my soulmate
14. My mom thinks I am a daddy's girl but really she is my world and my best friend.
15.i am half native and half English
16. I tried to learn italian and find it extremely hard
17. I eat at restaurants too much
18. I absolutely can't wait for my cup of coffee in the morning
19. I drink that coffee black
20. It's been 6 years since I quit smoking
21. I still think of it sometimes
22. I fell in love with my husband before I even met him
23. I miss msn
24. I never liked trampolines. I figure I was the only one
25. When eating chicken and there is a vein, game over
26. My cat pukes in the house daily and I hate it
27. I am terrified of dying because I don't want to leave my kids without a mom
28. I never liked pasta before I met Enrico
29. I don't like pizza
30. I wish I read more books. I love it
31. The story of how me and Enrico met and became a couple is pretty epic. A fairytale
32. I have the sweetest most loving husband a woman could have
33. I made 90% of my crochet hats with no patterns
34. If Independence Day comes on tv I have to watch it. I just do
35. I love to reminisce with people
36. When I was in depression I lost a good friend. I regret it deeply
37. I have small feet
38. I hate my husbands heavy metal cd collection of 5000 cd's.
39. I bought my dog at PJ pets and wonder if he is a puppy mill dog
40. We donate to scars monthly
41. I am the worst backseat driver
42. I have awful anxiety
43. My favourite movie is the Shawshank Redemption
44. I think my husband has a great sense of humour
45. I miss camping
46. Some of the best mini vacations I have had were with my first love
47. I met my best friend on a radio chat
48. I love value village
49. I wish I liked fish
50. Junior high was the worst years of school for me
51. High school I had the greatest friends and fun
52. I love the Vampire Diaries
53. I love having my feet tickled
54. Anxiety has kept me from really getting out there with people
55. I don't like to drink. I hate the taste
56. Ufo movies scare me
57. I got a tattoo. It felt like someone raking me with razors
58. I felt genuinely sad when Paul Walker died
59. I love watching forensic files however it makes me paranoid
60. I love the relationship I have with my parents
61. I wish I could have met my in laws
62. I wonder if they would have liked me
63. I found a worm in a sunflower seed once and stopped eating them for YEARS
64. I was addicted to the Jodi Arias trial
65. I worry too much of what others think of me
66. I am so scared of bears I don't want to camp in bear country
67. I hope my girls don't get my anxiety
68. I don't believe in your job being the be all end all. You only live once
69. I love cleaning my house
70. I was 6 months pregnant when I got married
71. I wanted a small wedding
72. I am not religious
73. I wish I talked to my cousin more
74. Not a fan of ice cream
75. Dairy Queen ice cream cakes don't do it for me
76. I always wanted to be married
77. I got carbon monoxide poisoning with Enrico
78. I love winter picnics
79. I thankful my kids have my parents. They are the best grandparents
80. My husband gave me his late mothers ring as my engagement ring
81. I love him more everyday
82. I handwrite like a kid
83. I am not a fan of listening to music only in the car
84. I change the radio constantly
85. My favourite book is King Rat
86. I miss being a teenager
87. I have always enjoyed the drive to Terrace
88. My dog follows me EVERYWHERE
89. While In depression i shopped to find happiness.
90. We donated a lot of my happiness shopping
91. I have a great sense of direction
92. I miss coworkers I used to work with
93. I like reading the news however it makes me sad
94. If you tell me, you are telling my sister too
95. My husband moved from Italy to be with me
96. My kids say mommy to me 300+ times a day frown emoticon
97. I would probably miss it if they didn't
98. I love to swim
99. I thought 50 shades of gray was about a controlling man and dislike the whole thing
100. It matters to me if people think I am ugly. I can't help it
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